Preface: This story is from my journal, and quite old, involving a logistical nightmare due to inexperience. The lessons learned are still relevant today.
A good find
I’m driving in a slum in Puerto Plata at nightime, hoping to god my Tinder date isn’t in this part of town. By now I’m less concerned with finding my date, than I am avoiding the onslaught of people, buses, bicycles, motorcycles, donkey carts … and not getting robbed. Thankfully, my employer provided me a shitty, fogged up car to drive, so I’m not standing out with an Audi.
I can’t find the Super Mercado she’s at for the life of me, so I pull over and park to get my bearings straight, since my damn phone’s data is getting fucked at the moment. As I’m fiddling, I see a group of men peeking in the back windows of my car, and I fucking gun it.
So I track down a secluded parking lot to try again. Wait, is it better or worse to be secluded? BETTER. I confirm where to find Silvia, and head back out of the slum (sorta).
I finally see the Super Mercado, park my car, and notice a rat pack of bikers nearby, and think for a second:
“Wait… is this a fake Tinder profile and an elaborate plan to rob me?”
Fuck it. I text the girl “I’m here.” and she rushes in the car. HOLY SHIT! She is stunning. She’s 21, tiny waste, great beach body, in a sleek black cocktail dress, and I think:
“I hope she isn’t a prostitute that’ll ask for money at the last minute.”
Anyway, we go to a restaurant that’s close to my hotel and in a safe area. We have a drink, she hardly speaks English, we have little to no chemistry, and nothing in common, and I start to get bored. I ask her what her past Tinder experiences have been like.
“It’s boring…Tinder doesn’t give me any interesting experiences.”
As hot as she is, this girl is fucking lame. She seemed to make a comment about ME being boring, but I couldn’t tell if she meant it, or if it was something lost in translation. I am just about ready to end the date as soon as we finish my drink.
Instead I thought “Fuck it”, and started asking her sex questions, using Google Translate as necessary. We talked about orgasms, fantasies, BDSM, etc. Explaining these things with a language barrier was challenging, though as we had the loaded pauses in conversation, I saw her smiles. I told her “I like that bright smile of yours”. After I ask another question she asks for clarification:
- “Dominance, what is that?”
- *I type “dominance” in translator*
And there’s that bright smile I was looking for again, and see this might work out after all.
It’s fucking hot outside, so we move into the air conditioning. I hold her hand, and she squeezed mine in return. Now, after being inside, she complained about being cold.
“Come sit next to me so I can warm you up.”
I pat down right next to me and she complies, her eyes light up again, and she wraps her arms around me as I grasp onto her legs. I close the tab and we head to my resort hotel.
We get to the security gate of the resort, and the guard fucking checks ID for both of us… IMPORTANT POINT: All-inclusive Resort Hotels require *everybody* to pay full price, even if they aren’t going to use the amenities. Even if my damn travel website indicated extra guests are $0, and even trying to explain, the guard couldn’t understand what I was talking about. We are denied entrance, and Silvia’s place is off limits. I start driving back to drop her off.
Me: “If only there was some place we could hang out some more.”
It’s late at night so I suggested a public beach, a park, but she said no to each suggestion and I thought all was lost. Then, half-way to her place, she says:
“Well……. I know somewhere we could go, it’s a few minutes away. Want to see?”
The White Castle
FUCK YES I DO! It turns out to be a place that looks like a giant, cheap White Castle, except you drive INTO it instead of THROUGH it. There are garages underneath each room, setup like mini townhouses. We drove into a stall, close the garage door, and she leads me upstairs into the room.
It was quite plain, big, clean enough, decent marble floors, a flat screen TV, couple of generic paintings you’d expect. Everything there was a shade of yellow, except for the dark green paisley bedspread. Clearly the room had two uses, none of those included sleeping.
Then my hamster started spinning:
- Huh… This is weird… Don’t we have to pay or something?
- Is this like, her sex/hide-out apartment? (I should really get one of these)
- Is she a prostitute or thief?
If she was a prostitute, I’d expect her to seducing me much harder, way earlier. But back to reality: she calls someone on the room’s phone, speaks a minute, then hangs up. She looks to me and says:
“Finally… a place more… intimate for us”
Then she attacks me! Not with a knife, but her aggressively succulent, soft lips. There’s a knock on a tiny wooden door: the cashier. I hand over my credit card, and I was promptly informed it’s cash only. Then I went to pay with cash, and I was fucking $5 short. FUCK ME. We leave.
On the way to her place, we pull over to make out, and I suggest we move to the back seat. She resists since it’s not safe where we were (she’s right). She doesn’t know any nearby ATMs, but I luckily spotted one at a gas station.
I pull up to the ATM, walk past the guard with the shotgun.
- Card #1 inserted – REJECTED!
- Card #2 inserted – ERROR!
- Card #3 – my Corporate Card didn’t allow cash advances at the time.
After trying my 2nd card and frantically pressing the worn out buttons in this shitty ATM… I finally have cash!
We drive back to the White Castle, get to the room, and she takes a shower. The cashier takes my cash, and gives me a water, a couple towels, and a basket of condoms, lubes, mints, etc. What a classy place!
She comes out of the shower, and I grab her arms, stand her next to the bed, and I guide her down very slowly, deliberately, and look deep in her eyes to let the tension build. She is hungry, and I give her a full serving of “dominance”…. just in case Google Translate was inaccurate.
She never asked for money, and didn’t steal anything! It was a good night.
Lessons for sexy travel adventures:
- Be sure your hotel allows guests, they might not allow it and have security guards posted at gates to prevent guests from coming in.
- Don’t trust 3rd party travel agencies/websites for this information.
- Call your banks well in advance to ensure your cards are unlocked. AND test it immediately when you arrive in country to ensure they actually unlocked it.
- Always have a shitload of cash on hand, and multiple bang motel bookmarked in your phone!
- Rent a bigass SUV in case you need to go for Plan D.
- When a girl gets boring, get polarizing.