Advice for “Incels”

  • I was 16 when I had a crush on a girl and was way too nervous to ask her out.  I just never got the balls to do it.  But… once my friends found out about my crush, they immediately went and asked her for me.  A couple dates later we were boyfriend/girlfriend somehow, and when my parents learned about it, I got the only game advice I ever got from my Dad:

    “Don’t fucking get her pregnant.”

I didn’t have sex with anyone until my mid twenties.  Not because I was afraid of getting a girl pregnant, but due to horrible inner game.

This post is building on to what the TheRedQuest wrote:

    “the true incels are guys with major health problems, literal retardation, etc. Most don’t have the time and attention to post on incel boards. The ones writing are mostly unhappy because of low value…”

I used to think I was a guy that couldn’t get laid, but that is only partly true.  These days, when I reflect back, I remember I had several excellent opportunities to escalate and bang girls.  A girl I isolated back stage at a theater, another one on a date in the woods, a girl that came all the way fuck out of town to “play Bond” when my parents were away, a girl hanging out in my room during a party (but she had a BF so I didn’t escalate (I should have anyway)), a couple other girls I did a sleepover with (who were HB6’s so I didn’t make a move… I should have), etc etc…  *facepalm*

I never realized my potential then, I wouldn’t even think of it due to my belief of being a weak failure that’s unattractive to (hot) women, combined with other self-limiting beliefs.  I had suffered so much verbal/emotional abuse as a kid from my parents and schoolkids that I had no self-esteem beyond science class.  I thought I was ugly, since I was always the skinny kid, and had enough social fear that I avoided the gym since I didn’t want people making fun of me for being skinny.  Resentful and depressed, the little ego I had left was the only thing to comfort me, and it was a fucking whore that kept me from changing for the better.

So many opportunities were right in my face, and I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, even look at it.

When I look at old pictures, I see a hunched posture, a bad haircut, bad clothing style, and yeah, being super skinny.  2 of those things can be fixed just by checking out hairstyles and clothes and deciding how to look.  Posture can be fixed at any moment, the “tough” part is getting in the habit of remembering to stand and sit up straight.

Building muscles has been incredibly difficult for me, I’m still kinda skinny despite years of consistent lifting, body composition analysis, and tracking my diet.  All that work at least keeps me in good-enough shape, and sets a healthy lifestyle.

Another thing that still affects me now is inner game:  Fear.
• Fear of being rejected and hurt
• Fear of socially ostracized (for being creepy/too inconsiderate/known as a player/too horny)

All this fed into my approach anxiety in the past (I remember trying to cold-approach girls in college, and only twice did I actually do it), and big remnants of AA remain even today.  From what I’ve tracked, I chicken out on over half the approaches I attempt to make.  Old shit from the past still affects me, but at least I have the insight to spot it and deal with it.

Lately, this video from Sasha Daygame, helps me work with approach anxiety, and there’s an even bigger point to take away in this video:  EGO really fucks things up and limits what we do in life.

Being raised in a shitty environment leads to some men *thinking* they’re incels, when the reality is that other stuff is going on which they don’t realize, and they can’t see how they’re NOT an incel.  Beliefs about themselves, and about how they *should* act in society, how relationships *should* operate, how women *should* be attracted to guys, are obstacles to finding romantic opportunities.

Advice for “Incels”:

If you think you’re an incel, and want to turn your situation around, I suggest the following actions:
  • Be open to totally reconstructing yourself, even consider you might have a psychological stuff to address.  Seek a good professional for an assessment.
  •  Identify your beliefs about how things *should* be versus how they are in reality (red pill vs blue pill is a good example), and begin evaluating/changing your beliefs.
  • Assess your relationship/game patterns to detect any neediness, over-reactivity, misinterpretations, etc.  Fix it.
  • Make outer game changes to become more attractive and seductive.  Diet, workout, haircut, hygiene, style.
  • Avoid porn, TV, and video games.  Don’t beat yourself up when you use it, just delay it.
  • If you’re in a small town, get the fuck out as soon as possible.  In big cities, nobody gives a shit what you do.  In tiny towns, everybody loves talking about what you do, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating.
  • I’d say “find your mission” but this can be so nebulous that I recommend simply keeping it in mind without stressing about it.  Working on yourself is likely your mission at the moment anyway.

And please, whenever you have kids, help them out instead of just ignoring their need for direction.  Our culture is fucked up partly due to bad, spiteful parents, and continuing this cycle just makes our world worse.


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