So you finally approached some girl at a supermarket, airport, whatever, whenever. The chat is going well, but there’s something hindering your seduction. Maybe she noticed your ring and is getting skiddish; the conversation’s platonic for a little too long and you want to make your intentions more clear; you want to transition into romantic/sexual topics; want to see if this girl is worth your time; or want an easy segue into pitching a date.
There is one question that I love asking at this point:
“Are you single?”
This makes it clear what you want. You want to know if she’s available to date, while sub-communicating that you’re you want her for more than friendship. It gives her an easy out if she isn’t interested, it gives you a transition into other topics (like mentioning that you have open marriage, her past relationships, or sex), and it primes her to get ready to be asked out.
It’ll save you a ton of time if you don’t want to date girls that have boyfriends (and if they don’t really have boyfriends, it’ll screen out the timewasters).
If she was starting to think you’re a “safe” guy that’s hiding his balls, this question will surprise her and make her reconsider her opinion.
If there is negative tension, with her wondering why you’re talking to her, this will relieve it.
If there is positive tension, with her waiting and hoping you’ll ask for her number, this will relieve it too.
What if she says “No”?
Well, you have a couple of options. My default nice-guy reaction is to give an “aww shucks” reaction and eject, but this is obviously inadvisable! There’s more you can do, even if she’s “not” single (note: she’s probably still single).
- Sometimes I’ll ask if she’s in an open marriage. Very rare, but it’s happened and I’ve gotten a couple numbers from it.
- If she’s in a closed marriage, I’ll get her IG at most. I don’t want marital drama coming back to me, I’m not a fan of drama.
- If she has a boyfriend, I don’t really care, I’ll get her IG and put low effort into a potentially long game.
Personally, unless she’s filing a joint tax return, she’s single in my eyes. In the past, I’ve skipped girls with boyfriends, but my attitude’s changed. If the man is mismanaging a relationship so bad that a stranger-in-a-mall is able to seduce the girl, it’s time for them to end it before they end up married.